Are your fish members of your family?

[Lady Samsara]

I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
(perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
of attachments to their fish.

Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

[Inspector Clousseau]

Lady Samsara wrote:
> I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
> if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
> (perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> of attachments to their fish.
>
> Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

Well now I thought Buddhism taught that since attachment is the cause of
pain and sorrow the enlightened fishtending Buddhist should be
compassionate but unattached...have to check w/my giant danios, they may
be of a Buddhistic persuasion...reckon my serpae tetras are Catholic.

[Nitesbane]

"Lady Samsara" > wrote in message
om...
> I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
> if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
> (perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> of attachments to their fish.
>
> Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

It's hard to get attached to individual fish in my community tank, but I
have one black neon who lost all of her friends (6 other black neons) to
ick. She spent a few days hovering in a corner by herself, but has now
started to school with my zebra danios...go figure.

I haven't lost a single fish yet without some sort of cause behind it
(disease, weak fish from LFS, accidentally crunched a snail...) and I
believe in survival of the fittest. I'm sometimes almost happy to "weed
out" some of the weaker fish when disaster strikes, but I get VERY attached
to my african dwarf frogs. My recently acquired juvenile male got sucked
onto my aquaclear's intake about 4 times within two days...he never
recovered from the fourth time. *sniff*

[Kelly]

I never got attached to fish before, until I had bettas. The goldfish just
had no personality whatsoever and were plain dumb. My first betta was named
Martin and lived for almost 2 years until he developed a large tumour on his
belly and I "put him to sleep"... which was devastating. He had such
character and would often jump out of the water to get the food I had in my
fingers.

I recently got another betta which I named Bluey ( I know not original). I
just find that they bettas have such personality and character. Bluey
watches me from the tank and always perks up when I come into the bedroom.
He also challenges my cats when they decide to sit and watch him.... puffing
up at the strange whiskers through the glass. He knows exactly when it's
feeding time as he recognizes the lid being lifted from the tank and comes
right up to greet me. Darling little thing.

Kelly

"Lady Samsara" > wrote in message
om...
> I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
> if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
> (perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> of attachments to their fish.
>
> Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

[Vicki S]

I do feel that all of my pets are part of the family. Call me crazy,
but I have always felt that way.

Vicki

"it is well that war is so terrible, or else we would grow fond of it."
~Robert E. Lee

"May all your babies be born naked and may you be in heaven ten minutes
before the devil knows your dead!!!
~ Irish Proverb

http://shamrock4u.250free.com

[Dick]

On 25 Jun 2004 14:52:10 -0700, (Lady
Samsara) wrote:

>I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
>Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
>if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
>(perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
>of attachments to their fish.
>
>Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

Not the same intensity as for my dogs, but I have noted a lot more
concern for a few of my fish than for the rest. If they have needed
special attention, such as my runt Clown Loach and my one angelfish
which had fin rot of the long front feelers and a large female Platy
with a tumors behind her eye. She has been in my quarantine tank for
six months. I really thought the tumors would kill her within weeks,
but she acts as though nothing is wrong. As with my dogs, time forms
a tighter feeling of caring.

The feelings are yours. What you attach them to is your choice. I
have an old 1978 motorhome I call "Turtle" and I get very upset when
Turtle has a problem and feel very happy when the problem is fixed.

My dad used to say you can only "love" things that are alive. I
always felt he was wrong. When I learned that my feelings came from
inside me, no one could make me hate them, nor love them, I knew dad
was wrong.

Personally, I am glad my feelings get attached to anything that is
part of my life. It adds a dimension I wouldn't miss, even though the
price is "pain" when the relationship ends. A Dalmatian I had for 8
years decided to go traveling while I was traveling. He had done it
before, but I always managed to find him. No such luck this time.
Now that hurt, not just the loss, but the worry that he was ok and had
found a good new home. My other two dogs' behavior changed. It has
taken weeks for them to act more "normal." He organized everyone's
lives.

Your life, you get to give your feelings where you please. Lucky
world to have you there sharing.

dick

[NetMax]

"Lady Samsara" > wrote in message
om...
> I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
> if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
> (perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> of attachments to their fish.
>
> Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

I try not to have ANY attachment for at least a month. If they die
during this time, it might have been something completely out of my
control. I'll regret the loss (financial & potential) and then turn my
attention to whether the death has any impact on the rest of the
community (disease?).

After that, it varies a lot. Per tank, typically there might be 3 which
have a nickname because something of their behaviour makes them unique.
The 3 usually include the tank boss (an alpha male), a runt fish (the
underdog which must be checked on) and a cleaner (for some reason, plecs
solicite some type of a nickname, like Batman or Hoover ;~). Some fish
deaths have almost no effect on me (most Guppies), and when I lose a
'named' fish, I generally have a crappy day (especially if they were
breeders) :-(.

I once figured out approximately how many fish have died in my ownership,
and it was a very significant quantity (after 30+ years of the hobby). I
don't recommend you do this calculation as it tends to be somewhat
sobering, but the point is, fish are relatively short lived and plentiful
(if you have many tanks), so it's good to exercise lots of discretion as
to how their existence will affect you (jmho).
--
www.NetMax.tk

[Lady Samsara]

Dick > wrote in message >...
> On 25 Jun 2004 14:52:10 -0700, (Lady
> Samsara) wrote:
>
> >I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> >Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
> >if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
> >(perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> >of attachments to their fish.
> >
> >Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!
>
> Not the same intensity as for my dogs, but I have noted a lot more
> concern for a few of my fish than for the rest. If they have needed
> special attention, such as my runt Clown Loach and my one angelfish
> which had fin rot of the long front feelers and a large female Platy
> with a tumors behind her eye. She has been in my quarantine tank for
> six months. I really thought the tumors would kill her within weeks,
> but she acts as though nothing is wrong. As with my dogs, time forms
> a tighter feeling of caring.
>
> The feelings are yours. What you attach them to is your choice. I
> have an old 1978 motorhome I call "Turtle" and I get very upset when
> Turtle has a problem and feel very happy when the problem is fixed.
>
> My dad used to say you can only "love" things that are alive. I
> always felt he was wrong. When I learned that my feelings came from
> inside me, no one could make me hate them, nor love them, I knew dad
> was wrong.
>
> Personally, I am glad my feelings get attached to anything that is
> part of my life. It adds a dimension I wouldn't miss, even though the
> price is "pain" when the relationship ends. A Dalmatian I had for 8
> years decided to go traveling while I was traveling. He had done it
> before, but I always managed to find him. No such luck this time.
> Now that hurt, not just the loss, but the worry that he was ok and had
> found a good new home. My other two dogs' behavior changed. It has
> taken weeks for them to act more "normal." He organized everyone's
> lives.
>
> Your life, you get to give your feelings where you please. Lucky
> world to have you there sharing.
>
> dick

Hello all and thanks so much for the insights!! I really enjoy hearing
other people's thoughts on this...different feelings are what make us
all so wonderfully unique!

I must say, dick, your post particularly made me smile. Thank you for
sharing such beautiful thoughts, you really brightened my day :)

[Christy84065]

I have to say that I get more attatched to the ones that I have had to
pay special attention to as well. My first several guppies I was way
too impatient with when it came to getting them into the tank and all
but one died from the new tank syndrome. And the one that did survive
I have always had to keep an eye on her. She is tough and has been
through alot, so imagine my surprise when I noticed the other day that
she looked a little pudgy. I guess that all she has been through
hasn't been enough to kill her or her spirits, now she is going to
have babies, I didn't think she could she has been so thin the whoile
time! I haven't named all of my fish, but I have named my pleco
"Elvis" it just fits him. And one of my platties is a mickey and the
other girl is a golden wag I believe and if you have ever seen the
movie you'll know why I call them Mickey and Maude, and their man is
called Big Red(I couldn't remember the name of the man in that movie
or that would be my Red's name. Cause he is a beautiful bold red
color.

[Gail Futoran]

"Lady Samsara" > wrote in message
om...
> I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most
particularly my
> Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and
sorrow, especially
> if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are
natural for *me*
> (perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others
have this sort
> of attachments to their fish.
>
> Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

I don't feel as strongly about my fish as I do
about my cats, but I hate losing any fish to an
untimely death. The illness of a 7 year old
female Corydoras aeneus several years ago
caused me to spend a lot of time online to try to
figure out what her problem was and how to deal
with it. As a positive result, I learned an awful lot
about fish keeping that I didn't know before, and I
now have quite a few more tanks and fish, and
they're all a lot healthier than my original 10 gallon
tank, so I suppose there's some good karma in
there somewhere. :)

Gail

[axeman chris]

"Lady Samsara" > wrote in message
om...
> I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
> if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
> (perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> of attachments to their fish.
>
> Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

I'm more attached to some of my fish than others. I have 3 clown loaches
that I adore. They were among the first fish I bought when I got started.
They were so tiny & have grown so much. I'm also becoming rather fond of my
lone female guppy. She is the only one that has survived worms & whatever
else guppies are prone to these days. Also, she looks pregnant, so my hopes
for a tank of guppies reside with her.

Jacqui

[Trevor]

On Fri, 25 Jun 2004 23:55:18 +0000, Nitesbane wrote:


>
> I haven't lost a single fish yet without some sort of cause behind it
> (disease, weak fish from LFS, accidentally crunched a snail...) and I
> believe in survival of the fittest. I'm sometimes almost happy to "weed
> out" some of the weaker fish when disaster strikes, but I get VERY
> attached to my african dwarf frogs. My recently acquired juvenile male
> got sucked onto my aquaclear's intake about 4 times within two days...he
> never recovered from the fourth time. *sniff*

Try putting a sponge over the intake strainer. I just bought 150 sponge
frozed it in a plasyic cup of water and drilled a hole into it so it woud
easily fit over the intake. Will also stop other small fish and fry being
sucjed up and provide additional space for beneficial bacteria.

trev

[Nitesbane]

"Trevor" > wrote in message
e.com...
> On Fri, 25 Jun 2004 23:55:18 +0000, Nitesbane wrote:
>
>
> >
> > I haven't lost a single fish yet without some sort of cause behind it
> > (disease, weak fish from LFS, accidentally crunched a snail...) and I
> > believe in survival of the fittest. I'm sometimes almost happy to "weed
> > out" some of the weaker fish when disaster strikes, but I get VERY
> > attached to my african dwarf frogs. My recently acquired juvenile male
> > got sucked onto my aquaclear's intake about 4 times within two days...he
> > never recovered from the fourth time. *sniff*
>
> Try putting a sponge over the intake strainer. I just bought 150 sponge
> frozed it in a plasyic cup of water and drilled a hole into it so it woud
> easily fit over the intake. Will also stop other small fish and fry being
> sucjed up and provide additional space for beneficial bacteria.
>

Thanks for the tip.

[TYNK 7]

>ubject: Are your fish members of your family?
>From: (Lady Samsara)
>Date: 6/25/2004 4:52 PM Central Daylight Time
>Message-id: >
>
>I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
>Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
>if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
>(perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
>of attachments to their fish.
>
>Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

Mine are.
However, when breeding Bettas I try not to get attached or emotionally involved
with the fry that aren't being kept.
This is a lot harder to do than a person may think.
Being half hobbyist and half breeder...it gets tricky sometimes.
But then again, it is my choice who stays and who goes....
Hehe, I'm thinking of all the ones that ended up staying because they had a
special personality. = )
I'm sure it's totally different when you keep fish that are not aware of their
surroundings or their keepers.

[TYNK 7]

>Subject: Re: Are your fish members of your family?
>From: Dick
>Date: 6/26/2004 4:40 AM Central Daylight Time
>Message-id: >
>
>On 25 Jun 2004 14:52:10 -0700, (Lady
>Samsara) wrote:
>
>>I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
>>Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
>>if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
>>(perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
>>of attachments to their fish.
>>
>>Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!
>
>Not the same intensity as for my dogs, but I have noted a lot more
>concern for a few of my fish than for the rest. If they have needed
>special attention, such as my runt Clown Loach and my one angelfish
>which had fin rot of the long front feelers and a large female Platy
>with a tumors behind her eye. She has been in my quarantine tank for
>six months. I really thought the tumors would kill her within weeks,
>but she acts as though nothing is wrong. As with my dogs, time forms
>a tighter feeling of caring.
>
>The feelings are yours. What you attach them to is your choice. I
>have an old 1978 motorhome I call "Turtle" and I get very upset when
>Turtle has a problem and feel very happy when the problem is fixed.
>
>My dad used to say you can only "love" things that are alive. I
>always felt he was wrong. When I learned that my feelings came from
>inside me, no one could make me hate them, nor love them, I knew dad
>was wrong.
>
>Personally, I am glad my feelings get attached to anything that is
>part of my life. It adds a dimension I wouldn't miss, even though the
>price is "pain" when the relationship ends. A Dalmatian I had for 8
>years decided to go traveling while I was traveling. He had done it
>before, but I always managed to find him. No such luck this time.
>Now that hurt, not just the loss, but the worry that he was ok and had
>found a good new home. My other two dogs' behavior changed. It has
>taken weeks for them to act more "normal." He organized everyone's
>lives.
>
>Your life, you get to give your feelings where you please. Lucky
>world to have you there sharing.
>
>dick
>

Sorry about the loss of your Dal, Dick.
That's got to be one of the worst ways to lose a pet. Not to death, but to the
unknown. = `` (

[Dick]

On 04 Jul 2004 01:26:12 GMT, (TYNK 7) wrote:

>>Subject: Re: Are your fish members of your family?
>>From: Dick
>>Date: 6/26/2004 4:40 AM Central Daylight Time
>>Message-id: >
>>
>>On 25 Jun 2004 14:52:10 -0700, (Lady
>>Samsara) wrote:
>>
>>>I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
>>>Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
>>>if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
>>>(perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
>>>of attachments to their fish.
>>>
>>>Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!
>>
>>Not the same intensity as for my dogs, but I have noted a lot more
>>concern for a few of my fish than for the rest. If they have needed
>>special attention, such as my runt Clown Loach and my one angelfish
>>which had fin rot of the long front feelers and a large female Platy
>>with a tumors behind her eye. She has been in my quarantine tank for
>>six months. I really thought the tumors would kill her within weeks,
>>but she acts as though nothing is wrong. As with my dogs, time forms
>>a tighter feeling of caring.
>>
>>The feelings are yours. What you attach them to is your choice. I
>>have an old 1978 motorhome I call "Turtle" and I get very upset when
>>Turtle has a problem and feel very happy when the problem is fixed.
>>
>>My dad used to say you can only "love" things that are alive. I
>>always felt he was wrong. When I learned that my feelings came from
>>inside me, no one could make me hate them, nor love them, I knew dad
>>was wrong.
>>
>>Personally, I am glad my feelings get attached to anything that is
>>part of my life. It adds a dimension I wouldn't miss, even though the
>>price is "pain" when the relationship ends. A Dalmatian I had for 8
>>years decided to go traveling while I was traveling. He had done it
>>before, but I always managed to find him. No such luck this time.
>>Now that hurt, not just the loss, but the worry that he was ok and had
>>found a good new home. My other two dogs' behavior changed. It has
>>taken weeks for them to act more "normal." He organized everyone's
>>lives.
>>
>>Your life, you get to give your feelings where you please. Lucky
>>world to have you there sharing.
>>
>>dick
>>
>
>Sorry about the loss of your Dal, Dick.
>That's got to be one of the worst ways to lose a pet. Not to death, but to the
>unknown. = `` (

You sure have that right. I have "put down" many dogs in my life
time. I always hold them while the injection is made. I always cry
my eyes out when it is over, but "losing" Poncho has been the hardest.
In a small way, I have a better understanding of what happens to a
family when a child is missing and why it is so important to find out
what happened. Even a dead child must be far easier than a missing
child.

dick

[nuchumYussel]

(Lady Samsara) wrote in message >...
> I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
> if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
> (perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> of attachments to their fish.
>
> Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!

While my family doesn't get this attached to the fish. I do. I feel
the same way as you do. Well, minus the Buddhist part, I'm Jewish :)

Evan Davis

[NetMax]

"TYNK 7" > wrote in message
...
> >Subject: Re: Are your fish members of your family?
> >From: Dick
> >Date: 6/26/2004 4:40 AM Central Daylight Time
> >Message-id: >
> >
> >On 25 Jun 2004 14:52:10 -0700, (Lady
> >Samsara) wrote:
> >
> >>I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> >>Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow,
especially
> >>if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for
*me*
> >>(perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> >>of attachments to their fish.
> >>
> >>Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!
> >
> >Not the same intensity as for my dogs, but I have noted a lot more
> >concern for a few of my fish than for the rest. If they have needed
> >special attention, such as my runt Clown Loach and my one angelfish
> >which had fin rot of the long front feelers and a large female Platy
> >with a tumors behind her eye. She has been in my quarantine tank for
> >six months. I really thought the tumors would kill her within weeks,
> >but she acts as though nothing is wrong. As with my dogs, time forms
> >a tighter feeling of caring.
> >
> >The feelings are yours. What you attach them to is your choice. I
> >have an old 1978 motorhome I call "Turtle" and I get very upset when
> >Turtle has a problem and feel very happy when the problem is fixed.
> >
> >My dad used to say you can only "love" things that are alive. I
> >always felt he was wrong. When I learned that my feelings came from
> >inside me, no one could make me hate them, nor love them, I knew dad
> >was wrong.
> >
> >Personally, I am glad my feelings get attached to anything that is
> >part of my life. It adds a dimension I wouldn't miss, even though the
> >price is "pain" when the relationship ends. A Dalmatian I had for 8
> >years decided to go traveling while I was traveling. He had done it
> >before, but I always managed to find him. No such luck this time.
> >Now that hurt, not just the loss, but the worry that he was ok and had
> >found a good new home. My other two dogs' behavior changed. It has
> >taken weeks for them to act more "normal." He organized everyone's
> >lives.
> >
> >Your life, you get to give your feelings where you please. Lucky
> >world to have you there sharing.
> >
> >dick
> >
>
> Sorry about the loss of your Dal, Dick.
> That's got to be one of the worst ways to lose a pet. Not to death, but
to the
> unknown. = `` (


I agree. I lost a dog that way. There is no closure when they go
missing.
--
NetMax

[Lady Samsara]

(nuchumYussel) wrote in message >...
> (Lady Samsara) wrote in message >...
> > I ask, as I tend to get very attached to mine, most particularly my
> > Bettas. When they get ill and pass I feel pain and sorrow, especially
> > if I have had them for a time. I know my feelings are natural for *me*
> > (perhaps it's the Buddhist in me) but wonder if others have this sort
> > of attachments to their fish.
> >
> > Thank you...I am curious to hear your thoughts!
>
> While my family doesn't get this attached to the fish. I do. I feel
> the same way as you do. Well, minus the Buddhist part, I'm Jewish :)
>
> Evan Davis

Smiling....My first husband was Jewish and I think he had as much if
not more compassion for living things as I did. We had 15 pets at one
point...everything ranging from rats to ferrets to rabbits! If
anything was homeless, we made a space for it. Those were the days :)

[nuchumYussel]

That sounds alot like my great-grandfather. He took in just about
every stray he ever saw.

Evan