OT Pet Joke

Figure most here could relate to this one I found on Koiphen:

Letter to My Pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions
with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw
print in the middle of MY plate of food does not stake a claim making it
YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to
reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same
door I entered. Honest. Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for
quite some time --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go sniff the other pet's
behind.


To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on
our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets
1. The pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why it's call "fur"niture.)
3. To you, our pets are just animals! To us, they are a member of the
family who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.
4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- they don't ask for money all the time
---- they are easier to train
---- they usually come when called
---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends
---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.


~ jan/WA
Zone 7a

~ janj wrote:
Figure most here could relate to this one I found on Koiphen:

Letter to My Pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions
with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw
print in the middle of MY plate of food does not stake a claim making it
YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to
reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same
door I entered. Honest. Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for
quite some time --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go sniff the other pet's
behind.


To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on
our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets
1. The pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why it's call "fur"niture.)
3. To you, our pets are just animals! To us, they are a member of the
family who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.
4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- they don't ask for money all the time
---- they are easier to train
---- they usually come when called
---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends
---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.


~ jan/WA
Zone 7a

LOL - read this just after fighting the dog to get out the kitchen first :-)

"~ janj" wrote in message
...
Figure most here could relate to this one I found on Koiphen:

Letter to My Pets:

[snip]

Jan, that's the best laugh I've had in weeks. I
had to make a new folder to keep it and I
plan to inflict it on most of my friends/family.

Thanks!

Gail
near San Antonio TX Zone 8

~ janj wrote:

4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- they don't ask for money all the time
....
---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and

Mine just needs the gazillion dollars for porcupine quill extraction...

Bella's visited the emergency clinic for quill removal 4 times now, last
time on Christmas day. She won't learn - and apparently neither can we,
since last time she got out a gate one of us left open.
--
derek

~ janj wrote:
~ jan/WA
Zone 7a

Just wondering what this Zone means which could be read on some articles
here. I guess it is something special for the US, is'nt it? Could
someone enlight me please?

Thx,
Jan

On Sun, 12 Mar 2006 15:06:41 +0100, Jan Schubert
wrote:

~ janj wrote:
~ jan/WA
Zone 7a

Just wondering what this Zone means which could be read on some articles
here. I guess it is something special for the US, is'nt it? Could
someone enlight me please?

Thx,
Jan

It's all here - http://www2.dicom.se/fuchsias/usdazones.html
-- Mister Gardener

"Mr. Gardener" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 12 Mar 2006 15:06:41 +0100, Jan Schubert
wrote:

~ janj wrote:
~ jan/WA
Zone 7a

Just wondering what this Zone means which could be read on some
articles
here. I guess it is something special for the US, is'nt it? Could
someone enlight me please?

Thx,
Jan

It's all here - http://www2.dicom.se/fuchsias/usdazones.html
-- Mister Gardener

I'm a 5a until I walk about 100ft up my backyard into 4b country ;~).
There should be special awards of merit for perseverance (or masochism
;~) for ponders in Canada. Power failure + sub-zero weather, and you can
hear the ponders outside overnight, chipping the ice, drinking hot
chocolate, cursing up a storm.

Personally, I think someone needs to invent an inexpensive anti-freeze
(food grade glycol) which fish can breath, to fill our ponds over the
winter. Then we would have the coolest Canadian ponds.
--
www.NetMax.tk

Hi..

It's all here -

Thanks. I'm a 6..! :-)
--
cu
Marco

Hi..

4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- they don't ask for money all the time
---- they are easier to train
---- they usually come when called
---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends
---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college
education, and ---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the
children.

:-)

--
cu
Marco

In article ,
NetMax wrote:
It's all here - http://www2.dicom.se/fuchsias/usdazones.html
-- Mister Gardener

I'm a 5a until I walk about 100ft up my backyard into 4b country ;~).
There should be special awards of merit for perseverance (or masochism
;~) for ponders in Canada. Power failure + sub-zero weather, and you can
hear the ponders outside overnight, chipping the ice, drinking hot
chocolate, cursing up a storm.

Personally, I think someone needs to invent an inexpensive anti-freeze
(food grade glycol) which fish can breath, to fill our ponds over the
winter. Then we would have the coolest Canadian ponds.

My brother lives in Sask. and sent me a "Prairie hardy" plant
catalog from some place in Manitoba. I'm in 5a/4b too and this catalog
considers that "balmy"; they have all sort of things bred for these
cold climes, roses and other perennials that you don't nrmally
associate with igloos, snowshoes and polar bears.

But, the ones that caught my attention were the orange and cherry trees.
There is some kind of Chinese orange tree that thrives in our special
kind of winter wonderland. And grapes, and kiwis and all sort of thigns
you could plant to really confuse your neighbors.

An orange tree. Yeah, that's what I need. Gotta start me an arctic orange grove.



--
My only working email address is on my home page
Richard Sexton | Mercedes stuff: http://mbz.org
1970 280SE, 72 280SE | Home page: http://rs79.vrx.net
633CSi 250SE/C 300SD | http://aquaria.net http://killi.net